My story may break some hearts, but it should be used to give hope. No matter where we are life, we can change the outcome.
When you decide to take control of your life, it will be a challenge. To change your life, you must change your mind.
My childhood before the Ranch was not the best. I never knew my father, and my mother left us with people we did not know, and never returned. We were poor and I remember being abused and neglected. We moved around frequently, and by the time I was 12, I had attended four schools.
In 1996, I was 12 when my two brothers and I moved to Big Oak Ranch. I was confused when we were dropped off and thought we were staying briefly.
I was met with love and compassion from my first set of house parents, Danny and Liz Gilbert. Despite their willingness to love me, I wanted nothing to do with them. With their constant love and grace, I started to learn to accept love. I am thankful they did not give up on me, because God knows I was (and sometimes still am) as stubborn as they come.
Later, I moved in with Art and Mary Ebert. Despite my efforts to drive them away, again, I was met with love and compassion and their home is where I learned how to love, show compassion, and give and accept grace.
I remember many times Mom Ebert saying “know that you know that you know” when talking to me about Jesus. Years later, those talks would help me understand my relationship with God.
During my time at the Ranch, I was blessed to attend Westbrook and I had no idea how much it would impact my life. This is where I would learn a life lesson that I carry with me to this day.
My junior year, I had Mr. Finlayson for Bible class, and he taught a series on boundaries. As a self-centered teenager this meant nothing to me, but later would become the foundation that I would use to become the man I am today.
Also, at WCS, I met a wonderful lady by the name of Jamie Hamby (now my wife). She was wonderful and I was a jerk, but she agreed to a date. We dated on and off through school and I continued to be a jerk. Many years later, despite my best efforts, I tried to date her again and she said no. Despite her best efforts to get rid of me, God had a plan.
I served in the Army from 2004-09. The discipline I learned at the Ranch helped me and I was promoted to sergeant quickly. I had two deployments overseas – to Afghanistan and Iraq. The truck I was in was hit with a roadside bomb, and shortly after that I lost a mentor to a bomb.
I began to lose faith and became bitter. On May 30, 2019, I lost one of my soldiers to suicide, and again, on May 6, 2022, I lost a peer from the Army to suicide. The unit that I served in from 2004-09 has lost about 15 to suicide, and, because of these events and more, I began to struggle with suicidal ideation. I decided to start testing everything I knew and believed. I decided to seek help, and that is when I realized that my faith was stronger than I had ever known. To “know that you know that you know” is a freedom that is unexplainable unless you have been there.
Through the struggles in my life, I have become very secure as a person. I have learned to grow and become better, I had to confront my past, because I had let it become bigger than who I wanted to become. Learning to voluntarily confront my issues is where I learned to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. I had spent so much time and energy trying to convince myself that I was good, that I grew weary. Becoming comfortable with who I am and the things that I have been through has been extremely uncomfortable, but with micro improvements and brutal honesty, I know that I know.
I married Jamie and our two girls – born in 2010 and 2012, respectively – attend Westbrook and I hope and pray that it will have the same impact on them.
Even though I have failed miserably as a man, dad, and husband at times, I strive to be the best in all aspects of my life. It is only by the grace of my Savior that I have been married to the most wonderful woman for 17 years and have two brilliant daughters. Each day I strive to “break the cycle” and instill in our children the lessons I have carried from the Ranch.
Thank you to everyone who has been there – from staff, houseparents, Westbrook, my wonderful resource family and my wife. I thank you for not giving up on me.